Oh My goodness I ache from head to foot. I got back from filling a trench, about 2 hours ago. 3 days of constant digging. 3 FREEKIN DAYS!!! We got rained on, we got sunned on and we just dug and dug and dug. So much digging. So much mud. 100 meter trench about a 3/4 of a meter in depth and about half a meter in diameter. It was a BIG hole.

lillian came on saturday with her apprentice to sort all of the electricity out and it was ace seeig her, but what was cooler was that her apprentice knows about lillian, and as a result of lillian tellig her apprentice about lillian she also outed me LOL LOL so for the entire day lillians apprentice quizzed me about lillian and about myself and about the whole AB thing.  It was actually really refreshing because lillians apprentice doesnt want to participate but they're really curious about it all.  now back when lillians apprentice was younger he was actually quite a yob, but as he got older he's actually turned into a really decent bloke and really open minded and well it was really cool helping to make him understand what was going on in my head when I am in little head space.  It also helped take my mind off the FREEKIN DIGGIN....

*gasps for breath*

...but its okay now. Its over. No more digging. I'm home, safe and other than the aching-ness i'm actually okay. I've had a bubble bath, I am now in my power puff girls pajamas with a double thick nappy on and my pacifier and I am just happy I am home.
I feel good that I was a super good girl and I helped daddy loads by digging. I dunno maybe I will get extra special snuggly hugs...or even better...a bedtime story. I fink I mebbe deserve one of those. Beegu is my favourite, beegu and a book called cockadoodle moo.

Last night I had another baby type dream. I actually went to bed last night at 930pm thats the earliest I have been to bed in a very very VERY long time. Anyway I went to bed and had a dream that my entire family had gotten together. all my cousins and aunts and uncles and sisters and mum and dad, for xmas and for my main present the family had decided to treat me like the 2 year old I've always wanted to be. so I spent a whole weekend being 2 And it was awesome. I might have to write that as a story at some point soon too.

I have been working really hard on writing recently and I think 've been learning a lot.  I've actually been writing a new story (not the exchange which I am also still working on) but a story called Stranded.  Its actually very dark for me, based on forced mental regression and babyfication.  A large part of it was a dream I had a few nights ago.  Part 1 and 2 (of 3 ) are in the forum section if you're interested and I would love to know what you think as it really isnt my normal writing at all.

Speaking of dreams last night I dreamt of vampire mice.  They looked like sausages wiggling on the floor so I picked oe up and realised it was a really ill looking mouse.  It sniffed me alot and then bit my hand.  I threw it across the room and then it kept coming at me like the beast bunny from monty pythons quest for the holy grail film.  And it kept biting me on my hands.  Strangest thing was when I woke up theres a bite mark on one of my fingers.  It really stung.  So does that mean i've been bitten by a vampire mouse and more importantly does that now make me a vampire mouse minion because these things a girl really aught to know. 

I also (completely unrelated) found this today which had me really chuckling

Anyway gotta go back to work and remind me that  I need to leave garlic cheese by my bed tonight.

There will be pictures at some point very soon but let me tell you about loads of stuff thats been going on.

First off the punk folk festival was amazing.  It tipped it down the first night and me and daddy left our tent wide open so when we got back to the tent after watching music it was filled up with water.  DOH, NOT a good start, but with spare terry nappies on hand we managed to mop up the majority of the tent so huzzah for baby stuff.  Then the well that fed the campsite dried up so noone could drink any water LOL but the organisers got a van and filled it with empty plastic bottles and filled them up down the road for everyone so that was okay, but the thing was the well also fed the loos so the loos wouldnt flush, so they had to get portaloos in to the campsite as a replacement.  I was thankful for nappies I can tell you.

Also my set was supposed to be on friday night but the venue had screwed up the music liscensing so they had to stop the music at 11 rather than the original 12 so my friday evening slot got moved to sunday afternoon.  It didnt fuss me whatsoever, if anything I was kinda relieved cause the journey to the venue was hellish so I could relax on friday instead of being stressed.  I over did it though and drank faaaar to much.  I blame lillian and daddy.  Saturday was drier and the music was ace, then sunday was my set.  OMG how scared was I, I even screwed up a few obvious songs which annoyed me and only compounded my fear, then I finished my set.  The compare was fairly famous and some people at the gig were really in awe of this guy.  Anyway after my set he came up to me and said that I was the best thing he'd seen all weekend. Then he booked me for a gig in nottingham, he said it didnt matter how much i cost he would put me up in a hotel and pay for travel and stuff.  So I guess we'll see if that comes off or not.  I took 12 cds with me to sell feeling optimistic that I would manage to sell a couple and the whole lot went within an hour of my set.  I had other people asking for autographs and more cds but i didnt have any more with me and the best bit of the whole thing was when this 6 year old girl came up to me and gave me a pcture that she had drawn of me up on stage singing my pet rock charlie song.  that really topped my weekend off beautifully.  im going to lamenate it and stick it on my guitar!

having Lillian Kerry, their kids and dog come see me play was really amazingly cool too and it was ace to spend time with them just chilling out and being chased by wasps together.  Me and daddy even spent a couple of hours sitting on the merchandise stalls selling other peoples stuff for them.

Then monday we swung by LG camp, my goodness what a whirlwind tour that was, got there about 1230, said hi to everyone got changed into something a little more appropriate ate a sandwich then promptly fell asleep for an hour or so, woke up to daddys colour game which got confusing cause he didnt give us all the rules LOL I was wiv sally jane we didnt win.  Then debbie and sally jane showed me the baby swing they had made together.  I got a shot in it and got pushed about a lot and it was amazing.  I felt really really small not being able to get out of it or touch the ground and felt just like a proper little baby girl.  Then there was much bouncing on the trampoline and francine had bought a seriously cool buggy trike thing that I just had to have a go on.  Man that was aweomse.  Equally awesome was all the effort that karla and andi and Caroline had put into doing the BBQ my goodness so much food, stuffed full of the best potato salad I have ever tasted and teh coleslaw was stunning too and even the wasps couldnt keep me away from the burgers.  Top nosh and icecream for pudding.  I felt super spoilt, and Alice gave me tissues that have my name on them, and yeah just a really awesome time but we had to leave pretty promptish which was messed up by me inflicting some of my singing on people.  I had intended just to play pet rock song to arcee cause she had asked but then everyone else seemed to want to hear songs too so I played the majority of my new ones.  I felt bad for taking up peoples time and making daddy be late, but it was done before I realised.  Sorry.  Anyway thankyou ever so much for having us if even for a short while I really enjoyed seeing everyone, old and new, and wished I could have stayed. Work dragged today when I kept thinking about everyone playing Alices treasure hunt.  Ah well maybe next year, so long as it doesnt clash with the punk festival or the edinburgh fringe festival...Oh I didnt tell you that part, im going to the edinburgh fringe next year for real real.  yep we got our review back of the play I helped out in the other week,  the review was pretty stonking so the guy who got me involved in the first place asked if i'd be up for edinburgh and I said yes.  So looks like we're taking the show on the road.  HUZZAH

My boss got sacked! Its about bloomin' time, seriously the man was a joke, for 2 years he would come in at 11am sometimes as late as 3pm, when work started at 8:30am. He would come up with all sorts of excuses, the best one being (and seriously i'm not making this up.) He once blamed his lateness on "Falling off a trampoline and hurting his back" LOL LOL So at some point between 630am and 830am as he was going to his car he must have seen a trampoline and decided he wanted to have a quick shot before driving to work HAHAHA. I swear he must have an excuses book and was just working his way through the different excuses. Anyway he turned up drunk to work one day and was escorted off the site and suspended but then he came back and then he was told if he didnt come in on time he would be sacked and well he started coming in for the right time for a few days and then he just stopped bothering, so yeah finally he is gone.

In other news I have a new t-shirt I bought from the beer festival the other day. It says "Nobody puts baby in the corner" Its a pink tshirt with cute babyish writing. I am wearing it today, with just my booties and nappy and binkie. I am feeling quite small today. Very shy for some reason today.

My moods really do change on a daily basis, some days I feel invinsible, like I can take on the world, other days I just wanna hide behind my daddys legs and peek out at the world. Some days I feel happy, other days I feel sad. I always think about how everyone gets pigeonholed, people make up their minds about you and think they know you, but people are more complex than that, its not just a world of black and white, there are so many shades of grey.

Just because im happy most of the time doesnt mean I dont get to be sad once in a while. It annoys me at work when I get serious, If I get serious at work people automatically accuse me of being in a bad mood cause usually im a very relaxed and carefree person, but you see there are occasions where you have to be serious. but then people start telling me im in a bad mood, but that then puts me in a bad mood because I wasnt in a bad mood until people started insisting that I was. LOL.

Anyway I just wanted to say hi and that I think you're all ace.  I dont say that nearly enough and I feel really very lucky these days when I think about my friends and family and how things could be really rubbish but theyr not.  So yeah You guys all rock!

The weekend has been crazy, ive been accessing ikklespace via my iphone but havent been able to participate up until today when I cleverly took the day off work. Yep, thats right folks, sometimes sammy does have good ideas LOL. I would have been a mess if I had to go into work today. The weekend was crazy.

Friday had a beer festival which we were at from 4pm till 11pm, suzy came for a spell and Andi was staying for a few days so it was really good. We drank a fair share of beer which meant we didnt get home till 1am, then I was up at 6:30 to sort out a heap of stuff I needed for saturday, saturday left the house at 11am was at the gig at 2pm played at the gig at 6:30pm and gig didnt finish till 11pm which meant was home by 1am LOL. The  gig was awesome. Luckily these gigs are designed for varety so you know that if you dont like one band, you only hafta put up with them for 20 mins or so and then someone else wiill be on.  I think it was a bit of an endurance test but some of the later bands were well worth waiting for.  Ahhh im such a fan girl of th final band that was on.

Sunday had to be up at 7am out the house at 11am at gig for 1pm where we practice run through the play a couple of times few last minute changes just to stress everyone out nicely, performed play at 4pm seemed to go down well and reviewer loved it but guess we'll know what she truely felt when we finally see the review.

 Anyway then later that evening prformed again and then got home about midnight last night crawled into bed and was now up at 8:30 thats more like it, still got a gig going to tonight  but will be alright as im not performing, then I can go to bed early 2moro night and recoup a bit.
  Please thankyou.

*and collapses*

If you dont like talk of nappies and stuff I suggest you skip this post cause its not going to be your cup of tea

We have run out of disposable nappies.  Well that should probably read I have run out of nappies.  All gone.  bye bye. You know what that means though don't you. Its terry time. LOL.

Now I think i've only wet terry nappies probably less that 10 times in my adult baby life.  Its mainly because the hassle of washing them really, so when I wear terries there tends to be a disposable underneath.

The night I wrote that 'fuck it all' blog daddy got all my baby stuff down from the top floor and basically because we were running low on disposables he put me in terry nappies doubled up, no disposable underneathe and my sesame street plastic pants.  instantly I felt small.  I guess cause I wear disposables all the time  whilst they make me feel small im still adult wearing them. not wearing a disposable underneath meant the whole thing felt different.  This monster of a nappy that daddy had just put me in though had me in little head space so fast i didnt even get chance to blink.  He even did that thing where the parent holds the pins in their mouth. *swoons*  I love that.  I dont know why.  I could barely move in this nappy and I just felt so snug and secure and floaty light.  I slept well that night and woke up totally saturated.  normally i either wake up dry or a little soggy but this thing was soaked, clearly my head had recognised that I was being a baby and i'd wet unconsciously during the night, by the feel of it, several times LOL.  I woke up feeling very small indeed. Disposables lock the wetness away to a large extent but terries really dont do that.  I felt a little on the humiliated side actually, waking up like that. Sadly it was friday morning so I had to go back to work.  Smoo.

Anyway saturday came and we're still running low so daddy put me in my minkie terry, again with no disposable and he put these clear plastic pants over the top and I wore my dungareen dress.  the thing with terries is they shift a lot lower on your waist so about 7 steps worth of toddling and suddenly the plastic pants are peaking out from under the denim skirt.  I had my pink shoes on, a hello kitty t-shirt and my hair in bunches, then we went off to the cinema to see toy story 3 OMG how good is that film. I was crying really hard at a couple of points, filling up my 3d glasses LOL.  Seriously waay better than the 2nd film and I thought the 2nd film was good.  Anyway I sat there in the cinema with my thickly padded butt, my binkie in my top pocket of my overall dress and I just felt really content and happy and it felt like I was getting a treat for being a good girl and yeah I think I can safely say I got my little side topped up.

So I think im converted.  I used to think wetting terries was annoying but theres something about them either wet or dry that just makes me feel incredibly helpless and submissive and just small that it makes my heart all fluttery just thinking about it.

Anyway thats all for now :D

Its the great british beer festival coming up this coming week, on the 6th of August me and daddy plan to be there with Andi and anyone else who wants to come, non-camra members pre booked tickets cost £8 thats not very expensive at all so come along i'm really looking forward to getting irresponsibly hammered.  fuck it all.

LOL i've totally just done a lillian and editted this post.  im fed up with my whiney crap.  Went off tried to have a nice relaing bath only for our bathroom wasp nest to be activated by the bathroom light going on, so midway through washing my hair I had a large wasp land on me.  Not fun.  Left the bathroom in a bit of a hurry still with major amounts of soap in my hair.  Ah well I think its probably a good sign to not feel small today.

Sam if you feel small we shall send wasps to smite you MWAHAHAHAAAA.

Yeah so what was my early setiment?  Fuck it all.  Yep, that'll do nicely

I have been feeling incredibly small today, well to be honest i've been feeling small since daddys mum came to stay, perhaps the product of sleeping in the cot all week.  I didnt have the main side up but that didnt matter I just turned towards the wall and pretended hehehe.  But sleeping in the cot all week really made me feel babyish and frustrated with it because I couldnt do anything about it, so I wrote and I drew and that kinda dispersed my little feelings a little bit.

But then I wrote chapter 13 of my novel (and it is a novel now as I passed the 50,000 word limit that I had set myself)  and that really set me back to square one of feeling very small.  Its my favourite chapter and my most hated chapter at the same time.  Im not gonna go into detail if you're not reading the story it wont make sense, but I finished writing it and I was in tears.  How strange huh.  But yeah so my venting my little side by writing and drawing kinda got set back to the beginning.

So today at work I was just imagining being looked after, nothing special, just being fed a bottle, being dressed, having my hair brushed and well..just a normal day really, like I said, nothing special, and it was nice fantasising for a bit.  I havent really done that in a really long time, but  doing that only compounds the problem, makes you feel sad that you hafta be an adult, and those things cant happen.  i came home at lunch and satified little me somewhat by having a strawberry jam sandwich for lunch, when i left for work i imagined being taken to nursery school rather than back to work.  how disspointing work was work.

And so all I really really wanna do is be babied today. like really badly, but sadly I have a gig tonight and daddy is busy with his museum experiments, so i'm unlikely to even be in chat till about 11 tonight.  *sighs*  Little me is really being a pain at the moment, normally i'm really good at ignoring her, but at the moment she seems to be yelling louder than normal and its hard to zone her out.

So anyway day 2 of my parents staying over. I'm climbing the walls already. Save me people. With my mother in law she would go to bed at 11 get up at 9 so that gave me 3 hours before bed and 2 hours after waking to do what I wanted and just chill out without her around. My parents though get up at 6am and go to bed about an hour or so before me so I really havent had time to come on here and check things out or just work on writing or art and its driving me nuts! Absoultely insane.
only 5 more days to go. I love my parents but my mum has taken over my house keeps ironing things and folding stuff neat and thats just not what my house is like. I know she relaxes better when she's doing stuff so i'm letting her do this stuff but I really dont want it done. She's also organised drawers in the bedroom.  Don't go raking around in my stuff you'll find stuff you dont want to see LOL LOL...
My dad...*sighs* actually no im gonna stop whining. I do love my parents but I think a week of them is going to see me pulling my hair out.
I have been trying to keep on top of what you are all doing, I feel like im missing out by not being able to be here as much as I have been recently. But its only for a few days more.

I took my dad and mum to the imperial war museum and they loved it.  My dad had always wanted to go so he was well chuffed but surprisingly my mum really enjoyed it too.  She was dreading it but at the end of the experience she was actually possibly buzzing more than my dad was.I must admit walking through the halocast section was really harrowing and I sorta wish i'd not gone into that part people were visably crying. My dad didnt read any of the plaques or information which was qute funny because he would point at something and say "Ahhh thats that blah blah blah things from blah blah blah"  sounding really knowledgable then i'd walk up read the information and say "Actually dad its blah blah blah" and it would be completely different from a different part of the world at a different time in history, and it was quite funny.  you'd think if he wanted to go there that he'd bother reading bits and actually learn something rather than trying to blag his way through a museum hehehe it did make me chuckle.
exchange part 10 is about 500 words off from being complete, I just want to get it done.
Actually thankyoo to people who are reading my story.  I think on GT people have lost interest as part 8 and 9 havent been read and its been up for over a week LOL, but here people seemed to have read it so im glad someone somewhere is reading it.

Also in other news, Wednesday is my big gig.  im actually nervous about it already and its only tuesday morning.

Oh and i'll be in chat tonight but not until about 11 I guess as thats roughly when parents go to sleep.

Today is...exactly what the title says.  the final day of freedom.  the babystuff is about to go into the attic and the house is on the verge of looking tidy.  Its a strange look for our house.  Organised?  Well its not organised, just displaced, I mea trying to find anything now has become a chore because its tidied away.  At least when it was in the middle of the living room floor I knew where it was LOL.

No seriously though, Daddys mum comes to stay tomoro until sunday and sunday my parents come down for a week. AHHHH  I love my parents soo much but I can bet after a week i'll be happy to have my own space back lol.  We're gonna do so much stuff, like go to some london museums and go to a west end show and they're even coming to my tempole tudar gig on wednesday and yeah it's going to be exciting.

I drew this pic late last night cause a friend asked me to.  It annoys me that im still a little shakey with the tablet pen.  I want it to be my new GT avatar but the whole nappy thing puts some girls off.  I will play my dad at computer games when he's here next week, although I wont be dressed like that *giggles* Also the hand holding the wii remote is a bit special.  Thats why I dont usually draw hands.

Oh speaking about my family, my sister lisa who was in the mental institute is now out and living back home with my parents.  I only found this out yesterday but shes been out for at least a week.  Aparantly she's not exactly better, but shes improved vastly from when she went in, so whilst her conversations wth you still dont make much sense, shes a lot calmer and less paranoid so huzzah! It would have been nice to have been kept up to date though.  My family is rubbish for that.  Like this weekend just gone the whole family got together and went for a mass picnic up in the highlands to scatter my granddads ashes finally now that they have a headstone for him.  Again it would have been nice to have at least been invited since everyone else in my extended family were going someone could have mentioned it to me.  Grrrr.  Ah well no use getting stressed about it now that its over and done.

  Me and daddy spent the majority of this weekend in the pub.  We were at a local charity bike ride fund raiser and as a result was fairly drunk most of the weekend but we won best fancy dress...again.  But when you look like this...

Then of course its gonna be hard to beat.  the theme was america as the bike ride was on july the fourth. 

It was good fun but I've been feeling small recently really really small and I haven't really had the opportunity to act on it.  It kinda got me down, its been going on for a week or so and as a result i've slept most nights with my binkie and a teddy I've been really restless not falling asleep till 2am and been feeling very agitated and nervous.  I've been wearing thicker nappies as well, just anything to sort myself out really.  its also why i've suddenly been writing like a mad woman.  Im on chapter 8 which is 25043 words into the story and I haven't even touched on the main plot yet.  I think I just want to be small but my smallness is finding escapism iinto the story.  pretending i'm sandra and getting little time like that.  it sounds odd but its kinda working for me.  I'm not sure why that suddenly made me feel sad.

I've decided im also gonna flatten ikklespace.  I know i've been speaking bout it for quite a while on and off but I seriously mean it.  Large chunks of the site are gonna go, like permanantly, but its going to improve the site by millions.  its gonna be ace once its finished.  Now I have my wacom I can finally make the site look the way I want, but its not gonna happen over night and it may result in days where ikklespace is offline while I work on it.  Daddy said he'd help me as part of my birthday present.  its actually I think the only thing I actually specifically asked for for my birthday this year.  I'd like this place to become livlier.  It could be such a good site.  I just gotta figure out how.

Im not entirely sure why this makes me grin but it does.

 i'm gonna talk about kids programs.  What do you watch these days that makes you feel little? 

This is a tricky one for me because naturally i'm fairly intellegent (that sounds like im bragging and being conceited but I dont mean it that way)  I point this out because it means I find certain programs really condescending and cringworthy.  I dont like things like barney the dinosaur or dora the explorer.  They really wind me up I dont like the way they talk and I just feel embarressed watching them.  But theres one exception to the rule. 'Something Special'  is a CbbC program desigened for disabled children.  The presenter of the program should (by my standards) annoy me like dora and barney do.  But he doesn't.  Actually he's really quite funny and I like watching that program because even though its designed for preschoolers and mentally challenged children it teaches me makaton (whch is a childs version of sign language)  so I sit there and repeat the movements when i'm told to and its actually challenging. im actually learning something and I feel connected with all the other kids watching who are learning something too
Also other programs I love,  Bear in the Big Blue House.  I am a writer first and foremost in my heart.  I write poems I write songs I write stories, I love the songs in Bear in the Big Blue house.  Some of them are really clever and catchy and I shouldnt expect anything less from a jim henson production but yeah I love the whole lot of them. the otters are my fave though.

As for cartoons, I have a lot of old skool stuff, fingerbobs, thundercats, dungeons and dragons, bagpuss, the clangers, the flumps, button moon.  Theyre all programs I watched as a real kid.  but these days I have one particular cartoon I adore.  Samurai Jack.  its beautiful.  Absolutely stunning.  Some of the episodes theres barely a word spoken but the animators will do different colouring techniques and different ways of presenting the story and I just love the creativity of the cartoon.  I also love fosters for imaginary kids and powerpuff girls.  We've got all of samurai jack and all of powerpuff girls on DVD.  I might watch some when I get home tonight.

I've been very hormonal recently.  I hope my hand tingling thing isnt hormone related but to be honest I'll be surprised if its not.  Im really not feeling like me at all.  I think I might be broken

First off, even though i've thanked everyone for sending the warmest of get well wishes I just wanted to say that again here.  Thankyoooo.  Seriously.  This community continues to overwhelm me with its caring nature.  It really is special to me.  The tingling sadly is no better, my hand is still really weak but hey at least its my left hand and not the one I write with so I can still draw.  It does mean i've been dropping a lot of thngs recently, broke my favourite cup and yeah just been stupidly clumsy.  Daddy keeps laughing it off and says toddlers are clumsy. Somehow that makes me feel better

I was speaking with a friend on DA About tadpoles and snails earlier and made me remember a heap of memories from my real life young childhood. For those who dont know I was an army brat, my dad was in the parachute regiment and as a result we moved around a lot when I was a little kid.  I didnt have many friends because as soon as I made some it was time to move to a different place, so I learnt my imagination was my best friend.  I talked to bugs a lot.  I used to catch bumblebees in my hands.   I didnt know they stung people I used to stroke them and make them houses out of duplo LOL.  Then one day someone told me they stung people and from that point I was scared of them.  Funny though, they never stung me, and I used to be pretty rough with them.

I remember planting a slice of cucumber in the garden and watering it with coca cola and then being incredibly dissapointed that it didnt instantly turn into a cucumber plant like in cartoons.

I had a pet stick called one eyed willy from the film the goonies.  I had that stick for an entire summer.

Catching tadpoles was one of my faves though.  My mum expressly forbid me and my sister from going to the pond (mainly because as a 6 and 4 year old it was dangerous)  but we would go anyway and use anything we could find to try and catch tadpoles.  because the water was murky to see if we had any tadpoles we'd have to pour the water on the path and if anything wiggled we would try and pick it up and put it in a seperate container.  Sadly though picking slimy tadpoles off a hot concrete path was really tricky and often they would just bake on the path.  I can just imagine normal pedestrians walking past thinking..."Why are there tadpoles all over the place"  We would catch newts too and they were like golddust.  the other kids on the neighbourhood would also collect newts and there would be almost like a pokemon card game swap thing going on like "i'll give you this grey newt for your speckly one"

I feel guilty these days about how I didnt really think of them as real animals with feelings or anything, but as a kid they were just something to play with.  I would always bring home injured things. Birds mainly but also managed a litter of mice, 2 bats, a mole, and someones pet rabbit (actually me and my sister stole the rabbit as its hutch was in a closed greenhouse so we nipped over the fence of someones garden got into the greenhouse and took the bunny.) My mum took it back.

I have a really young memory I must have been about 3/4 of my mum giving me a mint matchmaker.  I'd never had anything like that before and ate it really happily whilst playing with the family gineaupig,  I then found more matchmakers on the floor and had eaten 3 before I realised they didnt taste like matchmakers at all.  turns out they were gineaupig poo LOL LOL

Whats your favourite childhood memory?

I've had a wicom tablet since before I moved in with daddy and when I got my first laptop I plugged the wacom in and it wouldn't work.  Sad that I could no longer use it I put it upstairs and forgot about it.  Last night, I was whining that drawing on GIMP would be so much easier if I could use my tablet and daddy said  "You've had a new laptop since you moved in"  And hes right 2 years ago i got this current laptop so I went and fetched my wacom plugged it in and VOILA!!! Instant scribbling shall now be done by me.  I am so happy because our printer is broken at the moment and that does all my scanning of stuff I then colour in on the computer,  ive drawn some really great stuff recently and am sad I cant put it online, but now I can just draw it straight onto the computer so HUZZAH

So last night I drew this.

Its an updated version of a pic I drew years ago,  I've been having tonnes of fun scribbling away.  I feel pretty excited.

I went back to work today as well, my hand is still all pins and needles and it feels odd picking up stuff when your hand doesnt quite sense stuff in the normal way, but they really need me at work so i'm just trying to plod along as best I can

I made this flan.  It blinks. Thats the extent of my animation skills. Still that means I can make a wide variety of things blink now so huzzah!  Expect more cute blinky things in the near future.

Anyway onto todays point.  Someone I didn't know on Deviantarts AB/DL community left recently, shut down hiis page, closed up all his artwork and left.  Now he was quite a big contributor to the AB/DL community on DA and a lot of people are mourning the loss of him, although I didnt personally know him.  And it got me to wondering, can you just pack everything up, put it away and forget you're an Adult Baby?  I mean people must be able to do it?  Or do you think they feel sad inside when they realise they're ignoring their inner child, or perhaps they just learn to channel that energy someplace else.  I can't imagine being able to lock away sammy for good, but perhaps theres people with less prominent little sides so its easier to push them back inside the closet?

I'm a firm believer of you are who you are.  I didn't chose to be an Adult baby.  I didnt think one day, "Hey! That looks like fun. Lets give it a try"  I spent years wrestling with the guilt and feeling dirty about the fact that I had this odd kink I could do nothing about.  but then over the years I came to realise that theres nothing wrong with wanting to be hugged and rocked to sleep, fed a bottle and watch cartoons.  I mean there are plenty of more perverted fetishes out there, im not sure why ageplay is so frowned upon....well thats not true, I realise that those out there who are ill-informed about the whole scenario often jump to pedo conclusions.  Its not like that.  Not at all...but then all you lovely peoplen already know that.

I guess I feel sorry for the guy that packed up and left, Stuff must be going on in his life that's making him struggle with this whole area of his life and he's decided its just easier to ignor it.  I guess at the end of the day you have to lead your own life and tread your own path right?  But deep down, you cant deny who you are forever, that just ends up making you sad.

In other news I almost ended up in A&E today, NHS direct told me if I couldnt see my doctor to go to A&E, I managed to see the health assistant at my doctors and she managed to convince the doctor to squeeze me in between his patients.  You see I woke up this morning and everything was fine for about 20 minutes then my left arm started tingling, like pins and needles and my heart started really going for it.  it was pretty scary, I went for an ECG and that came back fine so that was a relief but didnt explain why I still had pins and needles in my arm, from elbow all the way down to my hand. The doctor squeezed my elbow and OMG what pain.  turns out i've gone and somehow.... between 2am (when I went to bed last night) and 7am when I got up...damaged a major capillary nerve (I think thats what he called it) so they took loads of blood out of me to make sure its nothing to do with hormones or thyroids and stuff and he said basically if the bloods come back normal and the tingling doesnt sort itself out we'll have to decompress the nerve?  Seriously how dangerous was my sleeping last night that I wake up injured!  What the hell did I do?

Work is crazy again, which is better than being quiet but its really hectic there, couple that with some gigs i've been doing and the billions of art things i've been making means this little girl has been very very busy indeed, so sorry for lack of updates, but really nothing that drastically important has happened that requires me to regale you with interesting stories.

Oh except we have a wasp nest in our bathroom, we cant find it but we've had like 14 wasps in the space of a couple of days in there, they dont look well.  I've just stayed out of there, a good excuse not to use the potty huh hehehe, not that I do usually anyway.

What else, Oh i've been writing an AB story.  It started off as a short story but its kinda ballooned out of control and currently sits at around 11,000 words long, so its actually turning out to be a novel.  The first part I put in the story section of the forum ages ago.  Its called 'The exchange'  Well i've written parts 2 and 3 now so i'll put them up in the forum too if anyones interested.  I'm kinda just writing it for me but if someone else enjoys it too then that makes it all the more worth while.

Right I better go finish this totoro jumper thing i'm making for a craft swap and then i'll be back for chat later.

Hey, i'm going to be grown up for a minute here, so feel free to skip a chunk of this post if you feel so inclined, cause its going to be a boring one. Actually i'll **** the bit out that you can skip

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Here in the UK, we just got told whats going to happen with our government and stuff, like where theres going to be price hikes and spending cuts and, to be honest its all looking a bit scary. Everyone is going to have to tighten their belts by quite a substantial amount because we have such a national deficit that we're trying to sort out.
Now i'm not actually complaining. I mean yes I understand that in a few months i'm going to have less money to spend and everything is going to cost more which will compound the problem, but if we, as a country, hadnt been spending money we didnt have, then we wouldnt be in this problem. Everyone has been saying we need to put cuts in we need to save money, but then whine when its affecting them. Its like saying, Yes I think we should be taxed more, just so long as you dont do it to me. I think this whole country needs to grow up and get a grip, we got ourselves into this mess we have to be responsible and sort it out.

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In other news my kitkat song has almost seen 10,000 views on youtube, thats crazy right?

I mean when I made it I hoped that perhaps 1,000 people might look at it over the course of its lifespan but I never expected it to go that crazy.  That means 10,000 people will have been subjected to my singing and not a single person has felt the need to say its crap or you suck or anything like that (although I did get a few irate greenpeace protestors at one point)  the thing is I just still, even now, feel really proud of myself for doing it and now that my next OU essay isnt due until mid august maybe i'll finally be able to have some free time to do the weirdo song.  Ive had it in my head (the music video that is) for ages I just need to actually do it.

 Also July has suddenly become very busy in terms of gigs the week that my parents are coming down also has me playing 3 gigs in 3 nights all of the gigs I have a feature slot and one of the gigs i'm actually being paid so WOOHOO bring it on, 2nd paid gig of the year, thats me practically famous now.

Its fathers day here in the U.K and so this morning I woke up and made this.

My daddy is the bestest daddy in the whole world.  At least I think so.  When he hugs me its the best feeling in the world, even when he comes home from work and hes been on a trai for 2 hours and he is smelly.  When I hug him...even then...my life is perfect.  It doesnt matter whats going on, what life is throwing at me, so long as he is there I can handle it.  I'm a pretty lucky girl and sometimes I forget that. 

Daddy  I love you, all parts of me love you and if ever you think I dont love you then i'm clearly doing something wrong cause I could never not love you.  you get umple grumpily sometimes but then so do I, but even at your umple grumpiliest I still think you're fantastic.  All of me thinks you're fantastic.  You make me be more than I ever dreamed I could be. Just your prescence gives me courage and when you smile at me when I've done a good job, well, that feeling is the best feeling in the world.

I'm lucky i'm your little girl.